Reason #1 for being late: trains always take longer than I would think

Everyone knows me the best for being a colossal failure at life. I am known to lose things, be late and generally fail at important yet simple tasks of life. A good example of this is I just happened to be in Greece when the deadline for university hall payments was due, resulting in me not getting a place there, and me realising this two months later. What they don't know is that it's not something that I strive for or want to happen, it just does. I can't explain it, but I feel like there is some kind of universal magnetism in me that makes the bad things happen to me. How is it that everytime I have somewhere important to be, the alarm just doesn't go off, I'm waiting for my new phone to arrive and am therefore late and not contactable? There's no scientific explanation I can come up with except that I am born with a screw-up gene. If I wasn't constantly forgetting about things and being late, I wouldn't be me. It's gone so far that screwing up is now actually called puling a Jennie. Forgot to put your alarm on to wake up for school? You pulled a Jennie. Late to meet your friends by two hours without notice, but you still have an excuse? You pulled a Jennie. I wish I could stop pulling Jennie's but being the creator, I am bound to have a couple screw ups here and there. The thing is that when I actually am early, or have not lost anything for a while, nobody seems to notice. It is so much easier to see when I make the mistake. ”Well, what else is new Jennie?”. I bet others get a lot of enjoyment from seeing me do these things over and over again, it's sort of like the real life shenanigans of a female Mr. Bean. It's sort of a comedy show that I am hosting unwillingly, but am still known for. Imagine if I started a new show huh? If Mr. Bean ever stars in another movie, trying to act like a normal being, you will always see him as that pathetic excuse of a person. He will never be able to pull off another perhaps more serious role in his life. Poor Mr. Bean.

Reason #2 for being late: the selfie has to be taken before your face gets all worn out during the day, am i right?